You don’t want to miss this!

Complete Home Entertainment system – yours for only $1

Date: 2011-02-24, 7:06PM PST
Reply to: mad[email protected]

Need to overhaul YOUR home entertainment system? Need that WOW factor that screams “I got a second mortgage just to play video games on the big screen!” Then you’ve come to the right place! For the very low price of $1 you can pick up a:

MARANTZ ST 100 (Stereo Tuner/Amplifier/Receiver) Perfect for that pretentious guy who likes to show off high end electronics equipment with no explicable purpose. Because, really, what ARE you tuning? And by looks of the thing, it’s a taker and lucky for you, another wife has already done the giving (of her Christmas bonus!)

16:9 aspect ratio retractable white screen.  Perfect for up close and personal views of pantie shots, cleavage pics and the gory scenes from Day of the Dead.

VisionMax Projector HD-2K, HD Ready HDMI input with new 2000 Lumens lamp, because it’s really cool to project movies or play first person shooter games on the big screen and its not like you blew the tuition for YOUR children’s private school on it.

And the piece de resistance:

A pair of exquisite Birds Eye Maple Silverline Sonatina MK IV Speakers. These, my friends, are a sight to see. Beautiful and elegant, they will give your room an air of sophistication that will belie the fact you only use them to blast bad 80′s rap and keep yourself from hearing your wife beg for your help with bed time stories.

The first three respondents will receive their pick of my husband’s porn, psycho thriller DVDs or Halo and Call of Duty games for the Xbox 360.

Please snap a pic of you enjoying your new system and send it to the hubs at [email protected]

Now settle down. I would never part with the porn collection! This was another Red Dress Writing prompt: Write a humorous listing for eBay or Craig’s List.

37 Responses to You don’t want to miss this!
  1. Megan (Best of Fates)
    February 24, 2011 | 9:31 pm

    I am quite embarrassed at how long it took me to realize this wasn’t real.

    (Hint: it was a while.)
    Megan (Best of Fates) recently posted..5 Pieces of Advice Dog Included

  2. Carrie
    February 24, 2011 | 9:46 pm

    I’d have kept the porn too…something to keep HIM busy ;)
    Carrie recently posted..Red Writing Hood- Squashing the force

  3. knitmyrhino (sandi)
    February 24, 2011 | 10:05 pm

    WOW! I think I want to buy it, but you can keep the husband.

  4. The Drama MAma
    February 24, 2011 | 10:12 pm

    Hey, this sounds pretty good! We could use some new entertainment around here. ;)
    The Drama MAma recently posted..Unbelievable Sale! Must See to Believe!

  5. Mandyland
    February 24, 2011 | 10:36 pm

    Bwahahahahahhaha! The “disclaimer” sent me over the edge. Of COURSE you wouldn’t part with the porn. Duh!

    This was awesome, chick. Totally, completely awesome.
    Mandyland recently posted..Leaving Las Vegas

  6. Ilana @ mommyshorts
    February 25, 2011 | 12:22 am

    Hilarious! Guys are just ridiculously dumb when electronics are in sight. It’s like boobs.
    Ilana @ mommyshorts recently posted..Add Me To The List Of Mothers That Cant Do It All

  7. Symdaddy
    February 25, 2011 | 2:37 am

    What if I offered $1.50?


    Ok, final offer …

    $3.00 and you can keep “Cindy’s Anal Bubble Party”!
    Symdaddy recently posted..Primates And Rock Groups Living The Daydream

  8. Jen Has A Pen
    February 25, 2011 | 4:04 am

    Damn…. I was hoping for the porn. We are trying to get pregnant and I’m most certain it’ll only happen with porn. :-)

    Enjoyed this!

  9. Angel
    February 25, 2011 | 4:40 am

    Coming by from TRDC.. These are seriously cracking me up today. Oh I love that you are keeping the porn and the description of the screen of the TV priceless.
    Angel recently posted..Family for sale TRDC

  10. Emily @ Kibble n' Dribble
    February 25, 2011 | 5:11 am

    Oh my lord. This was hilarious, but I think the best part was saying it wasn’t real, you wouldn’t part with the porn. Fantastic!

  11. John
    February 25, 2011 | 5:22 am

    I may have to turn in my man card here, but I was reading this thinking “there’s no way I could take you up on the offer here” – it’d be like that John Cusack movie where he couldn’t buy the old lady’s husband’s record collection because he couldn’t offer the right amount of money for what it was worth.

    The great thing about modern porn, though, is that it can be shared (assuming it’s digital). In college, my roommate had an extensive collection – any night that we weren’t playing beer pong well into the morning (so a night or two a week), he’d stay up late and save download after download. Since we were all “computer people” and this was in the early days of computer security, we’d hack into the pay sites and just steal all of their content.

    I had his hard drive mapped to my computer as my “S-drive” (his name was Seth). Now, when you attempt to access the S-drive from my computer, you’re prompted for a password…and there my collection is.
    John recently posted..Work Gets in the Way

  12. Pamela
    February 25, 2011 | 6:59 am

    As always, you rock mah socks!! I’m so glad this prompt is over.
    Pamela recently posted..Toilet Water

  13. Stacey
    February 25, 2011 | 8:13 am

    LOL I LOVE the part about the porn collection and the part about emailing your hubs a pic of you enjoying all of the above items! So funny!

  14. Amy
    February 25, 2011 | 8:42 am

    I think having them send a picture of themselves is the best part! He should’ve helped more with bedtime stories!
    Amy recently posted..What I Should Have Done

  15. Amy
    February 25, 2011 | 8:43 am

    Hahaha! I love your disclaimer and how good the visuals from Call of Duty look on the big screen!
    Amy recently posted..Mama Kats Writing Prompt- what really happens at rest time

  16. CDG
    February 25, 2011 | 8:54 am

    Love you!

    Also? Swoony audiophile swag.
    CDG recently posted..A Persistent Memory

  17. Unofficial Mom
    February 25, 2011 | 9:02 am

    Well if you’re keeping the porn then I’m out.

    Great ad!

  18. Rita @YippyMomma
    February 25, 2011 | 9:09 am

    Lol. I have to admit I’d love the big screen TV and projector for myself to watch the next Super Bowl on it.

  19. Mrs. Jen B
    February 25, 2011 | 9:10 am

    Strangely enough, I think that my favorite line (and there were many great ones) was hub’s email address. Love it!

  20. Miranda Hartrampf
    February 25, 2011 | 9:22 am

    Go woman! Lol, i loved this!

  21. Nichole
    February 25, 2011 | 9:29 am

    This is perfection!
    My favorite line is, “Because, really, what ARE you tuning?”

  22. KLZ
    February 25, 2011 | 11:32 am

    Dude, I can’t believe that you even know what all that stuff is.
    KLZ recently posted..5 Blogging Time Management Tips

  23. Maren
    February 25, 2011 | 12:03 pm

    Very funny!:) I found your blog on Laura Willard’s and had to have a look, I mean, who advertises being a ‘mad woman’? I mean, most of us are…but we try to hide it under our carefully brushed hair and generously applied make-up:)

  24. Jack@TheJackB
    February 25, 2011 | 12:38 pm

    Oh the pain of taking another man’s collection…
    Jack@TheJackB recently posted..One Slightly Used Pump For Sale

  25. By Word of Mouth Musings
    February 25, 2011 | 2:53 pm

    You should go shopping with my husband, he doesn’t even know the names of that stuff.
    And I am sure you have all the porn hidden away, since its probably yours, not your mans :)

  26. Amy Hillis
    February 25, 2011 | 3:28 pm

    *snort* Love it! Because what else do you need a big screen for, other than pantie shots, cleavage & gore?

  27. Cheryl @ Mommypants
    February 25, 2011 | 3:36 pm

    I have no idea of any of the things you’re talking about.

    Except the porn.


  28. Melanie
    February 25, 2011 | 3:44 pm

    Laughing hysterically. Thumbs up to the pretentious guy who likes to show off their high end electronic toys. Double thumbs up to the wives who live with them. My guy would happily take that t.v. off your hands, except we already have one 52 inch screen t.v. — not that that would stop him because can you really get enough of those high end electronic toys?

    Great post!
    Melanie recently posted..Goodbye Yellow and GreenSo Long You Quack of a Duck

  29. Renee
    February 25, 2011 | 5:15 pm

    This is great! I love the email addresses. Especially his.

  30. Nancy C
    February 25, 2011 | 5:24 pm

    I will never understand the fascination men have with stereo equipment.

    Especially when that money could go for another pair of completely-different-from-every-other pair of black heels.
    Nancy C recently posted..Red Writing Hood- Seeking

  31. Frelle
    February 25, 2011 | 8:02 pm

    Nicely done!!! I love the “get your pick of..” at the end :D Pretentious with the electronics like mine was pretentious with the computer stuff. ;-P
    Frelle recently posted..midnight caller

  32. tulpen
    February 26, 2011 | 7:32 am

    You keep all the techie crap. I’ll take that porn off your hands though.
    tulpen recently posted..tulpens list &gt for sale &gt household items &gt sort of

  33. liz
    February 26, 2011 | 7:51 am

    Talk about a deal too good to pass up!
    liz recently posted..Dear You Guys&8230 27

  34. Karen Peterson
    February 26, 2011 | 12:06 pm

    Sounds like a good deal to me! I can have competitions with my roommates over whose TV volume can annoy the neighbors first.
    Karen Peterson recently posted..For Sale

  35. Evonne
    February 26, 2011 | 3:18 pm

    While this sounds like a great deal, I might have to pass. I don’t think my house can hold anymore electronic stuff.

    I love your husband’s email!
    Evonne recently posted..Jules List – for sale

  36. Brandon
    February 26, 2011 | 8:29 pm

    Hmmm… you know A LOT about the equipment… are you SURE it’s his?! Hmm? Be honest, lol! Loved the disclaimer. Too funny!
    Brandon recently posted..Everything must go!

  37. Nicole
    February 27, 2011 | 3:02 pm

    That’s hilarious. I almost did this when I found out the ex-hubby was diddling his business card girl. Instead I went out and bought out Apple, Crate & Barrel and IKEA before he had a chance to flinch. AND upon moving out, took the man cave set up..and oops! Did I mistakenly throw all the power cords to the Xbox, and DVR in the trash (leaving the Xbox and the DVR sitting pretty on the floor)? My bad.

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