Mercy me!

Oh no. I’m not going to like this one. (Yes, the 30 days of Truth continues.)

Day three: something you have to forgive yourself for.

That’s a hard one.  (That’s what she said!…thank you Michael Scott!)

See the thing with me is that I’m an avoider.  Not always, of course.  I like to play devil’s advocate…when I’ve got nothing to lose. But most of the time, if there has been a painful event or if I’ve done something any normal person would feel guilty about, I feel it for a moment and do my best to put it behind me.

Sure, call it living in the moment…or being shallow and insensitive.

Yeah, of course I have regrets. That last perm, that last fiance, that last cookie, buying that damn gym! But do I dwell on these things? No. Do I beat myself up over them? Nope.

Don’t get me wrong, I do feel shame. I’m ashamed of not loving my daughter when she was first born. I’m ashamed of my behavior in high school and college when it reflected poorly on my family or friends. I’m ashamed when I don’t maintain my relationships with my family members.

What I won’t be able to forgive myself is if I raise my children without a knowledge and relationship with God.

Shit, did you expect that? Yeah, me neither. It just came out of the blue.

I don’t talk about faith or religion because it isn’t funny. And because I waffle on the issue a lot. My stories of my wild days don’t sit well with my upbringing or intermittent relationship with God.  So maybe I do have some forgiving to do.

Baby steps.

And that’s all I have to say about THAT!

Also known as my personal hell!

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14 comments to Mercy me!

  • magnolia

    ambivalence is OK. it’s part of being human.


  • Kenna

    I have to forgive myself for not doing everything 100 percent. It’s difficult for me to realize that things aren’t going to be perfect. It’s ok to sometimes just do something well enough to get by. Perhaps maturity will help me learn to let go more.


  • CDG

    Questions of faith, I cannot help with, but I think if you’re aware of your potential regret, you’re doing just fine. You’ll do what’s best for your kids, whatever that turns out to be.


  • Coffeypot

    I don’t have anyone I have to forgive or to forgive myself over. You see, I kill anyone who pisses me off, so that lightens the burden. They aren’t around, I don’t have to forgive them or ask for forgiveness. Simple!


  • Jax

    Really I would have never taken you as the religious type! Shocker! I am all for raising your kids to have a relationship with God.


  • Jill VT

    So much more natural and refreshing than these freaky “Christian” mom blogs.



  • tara

    Totally agree with Jill. I am not myself religious in any way. But I think there are a lot of people who grapple with it. Who are somewhere in the place you are, wanting to pass on a relationship with God to their children but aren’t really sure how to do that in a way that honors their own mistakes. Hope that makes some sense. See you tomorrow!!


  • Symdaddy

    I never forgive ANYONE ANYTHING or expect to be forgiven.

    I’m just so damned cold and tough!

    ‘pologies if my attitude offends.



  • Cold As Heaven

    I guess everybody have something to be ashamed of from high-school days. It’s probably just a normal part of growing up and becoming an adult. Why don’t you elaborate on the religion part? I think that’s very funny, one of my favorite subjects. My point of view became clear to me in 3rd grade. I had a teacher who helped me get that insight, once and for all >:)


  • tulpen

    Nope. Didn’t see the God thing coming. At all.

    Though, not a Christian, I’ve found myself feeling closer to God (term loosely used here) as I get older. And trying to figure out how to present the concept to my kids.

    Also? I have forgiven myself for the things I did to my body that may have resulted in my son’s condition. I had to get that one out of the way when he was very young.


  • Jessica

    Ugh…High School. We should all just forget about those years.

    I enjoy the Mass, just not the message. Not sure what we’re going to do when/if kids come along.


  • Jill

    Great post. I’m not terribly religious, but was baptized Catholic. I hardly believe that I would be welcomed with open arms by the Catholic church given my history however, we go to church on important holidays and I think it is important for my kids to be educated. At the very least, they can make their own decision.


  • Morgan B.

    I’m was surprised to learn this about you. I like the way the 30 Days of Truth is making you reveal more of yourself. I can’t wait to see what else comes.


  • Jackie

    You’re right! Did not see that one coming. At all.

    You’re doing great with the 30 Days of Truth! I love reading your posts, you put a slightly humorous twist on your posts. I wish I could do it!


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