Thursday 13: my wish list

You know I’m just being thoughtful here….presenting you all with my wishlist this early.  Yeah, yeah, not in time for Black Friday or Cyber Monday but you know, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t have found these things on any shopping excursion.

Take a gander, won’t you?

1. A time machine.  Oh, I would use it to go back in time, just say two weeks and get more things done when I decided to be lazy instead. Oh, and I use it to snatch up this wonderful amazing woman to have at my side in my last days.

2. A private jet….this chic is TOTALLY fueling my wanderlust!

I hear he's single too!

3.  Throw in a hot pilot, while you’re at it.  I just don’t have time to take flying lessons.

4. TIME!  That’s perfect.  Yes, please package up some time for me, would you?  No bows necessary, no fancy paper, just say an hour or two.  Between 5 and 6 would be great.  You would be repayed in posts and my family in meals.  Its really a win win.

5. Holy…um…so back to the time machine….can I use it to skip the pregnancy stuff too?  With everything else going on, it’s sort of going to cramp my style.  Come on, me at 4 months at Christmas just makes me look like I’ve swallowed the christmas feast whole….no cute round belly for pics, just plumpness.  It isn’t pretty.

6. A new couch.  Oh hell, I’ll take slipcovers.  Those probably weren’t on sale last week.  Maybe scratch that, I’m a picky bitch. Those frickers have to fit!

7. A generous and desperate buyer for my house that will take it as is.  Really.  You can have everything except the contents of my closet and jewelry drawer.  Really, I **SOB** would throw in my beloved scooter too!  Oh, god, wait, you cannot have my laptop or iPad.  There’s some um, incriminating stuff on those.  You’re better off not knowing.

8. Boobs.  Yeah, BOOBS.  Real ones that don’t turn into pancakes when I wean this next chitlin.

Thanks National Library of Medicine

9. While we’re on that topic…we could talk about nipple sensitivities.  Maybe off line?

10. And oh please oh please, a new vocabulary.  For reals!  I just used the word “chitlin” to describe my unborn child!

11. Patience. Yeah, while you’re at it, could you fill this one NOW!  Seriously, on the verge of madness here.  It would go a long way.

12. Wisdom (throw in some foresight too).  I mean it. I tweeted about beating off my husband and loving my monkey and I didn’t even notice the innuendo. CLUELESS…that’s me!

13. That my bloggy friends far and near may know my love and addiction for them and that each everyone one is blessed with their Christmas wish.

(Yeah, I got that…that last one was a twofer…bite me.  But not on the boobs, gawd, not on the boobs!)  More like this:

yeah, that's EXACTLY what I had in mind! Thanks MommaKiss!

9 Responses to Thursday 13: my wish list
  1. Sherri
    December 2, 2010 | 7:04 am

    Oh, you and your wishes! Too funny….hope you get at least one of them! And having just seen you in your cute little pregnant glory, I can’t imagine that you will look anything but cute for the remainder of the whole “bearing the chitlin’” phase.


  2. MommaKiss
    December 2, 2010 | 7:51 am

    Dear lord, mad woman, you crack my shit up. I’d love to bite your arse. Chitlun, I thought that was some suthern food. No?


  3. momma fargo
    December 2, 2010 | 8:30 am

    lol. sorry for your booby pain. ugh. the memories. hugs…only not tight ones. lmao


  4. magnolia
    December 2, 2010 | 10:22 am

    chitlin? oh, that’s funny. haven’t heard that word since i left louisiana. :)


  5. Jessica
    December 2, 2010 | 1:14 pm

    Chitlin? Bwahahaha. They sell that shit down here in buckets.

    Thanks for the shout-out. New photo ‘n stuff are up.


  6. Coffeypot
    December 2, 2010 | 2:56 pm

    The boobie pain thing…I don’t understand it. When my wife was pregnant my boobs never hurt once. And I have heard kids call chitlins before. It the South kids are called all kind of things, including animals. When my daughter called to tell me she was pregnant and the Mater was the size of a butterbean, that’s what I call him for a long time.


  7. tulpen
    December 2, 2010 | 4:05 pm

    I need to stop hating on Twitter and spend more time on there.. Tweeting about beating off your husband? And I missed it!!! Suck!!! Errr… BEAT!!!


  8. Cheryl @ Mommypants
    December 2, 2010 | 8:16 pm

    Boobs. How I long for the DD I had when No. 3 was born. You can imagine what they look like now that he’s been weaned for awhile. Then again, it’s kind of creepy to ask another woman to imagine my boobs, so never mind.


  9. DudeImJustEffingSaying
    December 4, 2010 | 10:07 pm

    Luv the wishlist! You are toooo hilarious….no sh!gg!ty!


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