Sexy Time brings another guest

OMG OMG OMG!  You guys have NO IDEA how excited I am to have today’s guest writing for me.  I have loved her from the moment I read about Penis Week and a reference to MY FAVORITE Frankie Goes to Hollywood song!

Oh, and after you get to know her and are lucky enough to get an email from her, you’ll fall out of your chair when you see her email address.  But you’ll have to find that one out for yourself!

I will say I was surprised that she chose MY blog to pour her heart out, but am more than FLATTERED that she felt that this was the place to do it.  She needs no introduction, my dear friend, OtherWordlyOne.

Status: It’s Complicated

For those that aren’t familiar with me and my little corner of the blogosphere, I talk a lot about vaginas and such. But I’m in a reflective mood today, and I hope the Mad Woman will forgive the seriousness of this guest post. (Thanks for asking me over, by the way.)

I joined an online dating site a few months ago. I’ve had email, and other correspondence, with quite a few men but I’ve only actually met two so far.

The first, who is a good deal older than me, is Sam. I suppose you could say we’re dating, though neither of us has discussed exclusivity yet. We’re certainly fucking – that I can confidently report. I’m semi-comfortable with the way the relationship is at this point. And by that I mean, I went nine months without sex and he’s giving it to me like a pro. Why rock the boat?

Yet on the other hand, I realize that I’m walking a line. I’m in danger of falling into my old pattern of getting into a purely physical relationship, of not connecting with someone on a deeper level – of giving them the impression that it’s all I’m interested in. We have insane sexual chemistry, so I have to work very hard to maintain a modicum of self control; to actually converse with him before I rip his clothes off. So Sam has, at this point, a question mark by his name. (Or maybe those three little dots…)

The other guy I met is two years older than me. We spoke for several weeks before exchanging numbers and up until a few days before our meeting, I had no idea what he looked like. Even then the picture didn’t show much. That wasn’t a problem, though, because I enjoyed talking to him so much. He was witty and sarcastic, smart and engaging. I had high hopes for that one.

Unfortunately, his personality took a drastic change toward crazy town. A few days before we met we were texting and he decided to tell me how much he liked me and how beautiful he thought I was. “That’s nice”, I thought and said something to him along the same lines. But then he hit me with the, “I can see myself falling in love with you.” Ahem. Well, I wasn’t aware I was conversing with a psychic. But really…what do you say to that?

He retreated for a bit, then came back later with a bunch of shit about wanting to hold me and cuddle me, just some really out there stuff and a complete 180 from our usual conversations.

Like an idiot, I still agreed to meet him because I thought maybe…just maybe, that witty sarcastic, fun guy would be the one to show up. But no. He was Creepy McCreeperson. He was handsy and the whole situation was awkward. And, I suppose I should just say it; there was no physical attraction at all. Zilch. Nada.

So far that’s all I’ve gotten out of two months of online dating – one kickass meeting and one disaster. I suppose 50/50 isn’t bad as a start. From what I understand, most people go through a lot of first bad dates before they get one good one.

Now for an admission of sorts – There’s this other person I’ve never talked about. And he complicates things a bit.

We’re friends – have been for, hmm, over a year now I think. We’ve spent hours and hours and hours talking. He makes me laugh, he’s adorable – he ticks so many boxes on the “I could see myself being with this guy…would love to give it a try” list, it’s ridiculous.

But here’s the thing – We’ve never actually, physically met. There was an opportunity to do so once, but things didn’t work out.

You don’t have to tell me how crazy this is – I already know. Believe me, I know. I’ve tried telling myself, even out loud a time or two…like a nut job, all the reasons why I shouldn’t be feeling the way I feel about him.

“You know him, but you don’t.”

“He lives too far away.”

“He can’t have those sorts of feelings for you.”

“It’s absolutely ludicrous. There’s no way you should be this attracted to someone you don’t know.”

“Why are you doing this to yourself?”

I’ve never felt more like a…girl than I have over this mess. I don’t get wrapped up in people this way, and for me to get wrapped up in someone that it’s impossible to have a relationship with? Crazy. I’ve even forced myself to look at the bigger picture: Am I using him as a crutch? Am I subconsciously allowing myself to have feelings for him because it’s safer than having feelings for someone that’s “in my face”, so to speak?

That would make this easier. Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s the case.

So, to recap –

I’m sleeping with an old dude, but I don’t know where it’s going. I’m avoiding Creepy McCreeperson and wading through emails from others of his kind. And…

I’m crazy about this guy I’ve never met. And even though I’m putting myself out there and enjoying other men, he’s always in the back of my mind. I’m trying to be his friend, without any weirdness, and get over this thing all at once. I continue talking to him – everything is justpeachy.

I’m hoping that someone will come along and make me forget about him, and completely dreading it at the same time.

Showing of hands: how many have been in her shoes? Come on, you can spill your guts here.  And big fat THANK YOU Aly for sharing.  Now give my girl some love, would ya?

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18 comments to Sexy Time brings another guest

  • Elly Lou

    Big fan of Aly. Not a big fan of her problem. It sucks balls, even. Dating sucks balls. Men suck balls. Wait, I feel like I’ve lost focus again. Every time I’m reminded how woefully imperfect my man can be, I just remember that Justin Timberlake is a manwhore and life is full of compromises. If Jessica Biel has to make sacrifices, I suppose I do too.


  • abbie

    Married with two small children so living vicariously through you. Part of me thinks it would be fun to be back in the dating world, struggling through all those issues and part of me is SO thankful that I found the one early and never have to think about it again.
    Hoping you get answers to your questions soon.
    Great guest post.


  • Judearoo

    Oooh so been there. In ways it can be worse as when you’re physically with someone its all there out in the open – there’s attration or there isn’t. But this…..

    Any chance you’ll ever meet up with him?


    Alyson Reply:

    Yes, there’s a chance. Which is, I think, part of my problem.


  • Cold As Heaven

    and then there is the opposite case; too much emotional and little physical … some call it marriage (“Don’t move your hands around, I wanna sleep”) >:)


  • magnolia

    ooh, complex. seems to me like trying to meet in person is the only way to settle that angle once and for all. from there, things’ll clear up…


  • Coffeypot

    I think you have the image of your friend in your head, along with some fantasies and ‘what if’s’ going on. So no matter who you date, even Mr. Perfect, you friend will always be in the back of your head. I think you two need to meet up and see what happens. At least the mental images and some answers to your ‘what if’s’ can be made clearer. And if you are still confused, give me a call…I’ll ruin you for other men. Though you may turn to women, I’ll make a change in your life.


    Alyson Reply:

    Odd you should mention that. I *have* been thinking about women a bit lately.


  • Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts

    I so totally relate to this post!! So much so that it has inspired me to write my own post on the subject!! Great post!!


  • Rusty Hoe

    Longtime lover of OWO. Damn woman you need a good man. You only deserve the best. I can’t imagine going back on the dating scene. I think I’d rather poke my eye’s out with an ebola riddeled monkey testical, than enter that world again. I may want to smother Mr Grumpy in his sleep on occasion, but isn’t that every wife’s dream? I do hope OWO finds her own man to fantasise about murdering whilst he slumbers, cause every woman deserves that.


  • Didactic Pirate

    I’m glad you’re guesting here, Aly — more people need to be exposed to you. Or expose themselves to you. But not in a dirty way. Ok maybe in a dirty way, but only if they get your permission first.

    This is coming out strange. Ahem.

    Not for the first time, I find myself wondering why you don’t have your own show.


    Alyson Reply:

    I don’t have my own show because YOU haven’t helped me get it. Get busy.

    And what’s with this exposing business, mister? No one need ask my permission – just go ahead and do it. Even if what’s exposed is disturbing, it would make great blog fodder. “Some man flashed me his penis today. It looked like a German soldier with a broken spine.”


  • Steam Me Up Kid

    You know my feelings on Oldguy©, but For Christ’s sake, MEET UP with other guy already. Nobody lives that far away, it’s not that big a planet.


  • Paige

    I say go for it with the one you think about all the time. Tell him. You only live once, baby!


  • MommaKiss

    I’m curious. Does the old dude have old balls? Seriously. I must know. I fear for my future with my own old dude.


  • Tom G.

    OK, I have been that “friend” guy, more times than I can count. Thankfully, I’m married now, with 2 kids, and I don’t miss the constant insecurity I felt when dating.

    Back to you’re question. Do you think your online “friend” feels the same? If so, don’t let distance and time stand between finding out if there is really something there. If you still think of him despite the Ultimate Sex Machine that your seeing, I’m guessing there is some genuine connection there. I’d rather take a chance and find out it wasn’t meant to be, than go on as friends and always wonder “what if?”.


  • Alyson

    Actually, his balls look like the balls of a 25 year old. Fear not!


  • tulpen

    Yikes. No. Have never been in that situation, thank goodness. Never did the online dating thing, but have two brothers in law to prove it can lead to long term happiness.

    I have no advice. I suck at advice.

    Enjoy screwing the old dude for now I guess!!


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