Amazing what happens when you put SEX in the blog title. Come on in, I won’t bite. Well, not until I know you better.
Last week I replayed an old post where I talked about my sucky sex life and how I would ‘fake it till I make it.” Yeah, good times, I know.
That was a rough day for me. I had suffered a migraine all day. I knew I was going to be out of the office for a couple of days so I was cramming to get my work done. I had had an argument with Adonis (hubs if you’re new here) before going for a run and proceeded to have a crappy run. And it was rough for my twittered brain too.
I used one of those services that shows you who has stopped following you, who you follow that don’t follow you back and all sorts of data. No, I don’t know the program but I’m sure you can google it. Anywho, it pointed out that some people that I really admired, people that had tweeted with me, didn’t follow me. No, I know, that’s too much to assume and I know I’m new to twitter and all the etiquettes related to it but it was a shock. And a huge downer.
So when I sat down that evening to review comments I discovered a few things. One, NO one flamed me. What a huge relief! And two, you guys felt like you could trust me to talk about these things. I even got to chat offline with a few of you and it really turned me around. I am honored and humbled by all of you.
That and a few stray thoughts led me to this idea of a series. Maybe we could talk, you know, some good old heart to heart ? About stuff that maybe we don’t want to admit to our real world girlfriends, or maybe they’re tired of hearing about it and you need some fresh ears on the matter? Who knows how long this will go on, but I hope you’ll hang around, especially if you’re in a good spot right now. We could all benefit from your experience. Please keep in mind that I’m not a therapist and I don’t have special training other than what life has handed me. Also PLEASE feel free to comment as often as you like. And for this, unless requested otherwise, I’ll post my responses here on the blog for all to see.
So back to those stray thoughts….a little background. I’m a proud bitch. I use to have the body that reflected the hours I spent in the gym, on bike or on the track. And I didn’t let pregnancy get in the way of my rockin’ it. I did spin classes until almost 8 months, swam the entire pregnancy and ran or walked a lot too.
But all of that and all the support of friends didn’t prepare me for motherhood. Sure, nursing was great and I looked pretty good while I was doing it. I foolishly thought, yeah, I’m all that. Huh.
I stopped nursing and started hormones to have another baby. Add that to a baby that didn’t sleep through the night and the loss of my workout buddy and LIFE in general and I started to get soft.
I would look in the mirror and not recognize the person looking back at me. Tired face, drooping shoulders, not so flat stomach and look out , what happened to my ass. Talk about not feeling sexy. I was exhausted, stressed, depressed and the husband wasn’t feeling much better. Between the fertility doctor being the sex nazi, by default, a kid that clearly preferred her mother, working full time and a nonexistent workout routine, Adonis was not only not getting the good vibes from me, he wasn’t feeling them much himself.
SHEESH woman! Was that long enough intro? Gah, this has got to be your longest post yet! Can you get to the good stuff already?
So let me ask you a question. Think about the last time you felt sexy. What were you wearing? Seriously! And while I don’t promise not to perve out in my own twisted fantasies, I won’t subject you to anything untoward. Well, unless you’re one of my posse, then no holds barred.
I’ll tell you of a few times recently. I have a tank top and some low slung jeans that cleverly make my tummy look taught and flat. I caught a glimpse of myself and thought, wow, hot stuff. When I wear this one pair of yoga pants, I get this strut in my walk. When I slip into a particular pair of pants that cup my butt just right, watch out. Having the background info on me, this makes sense, no?
Sure these items don’t scream sex appeal. May be your items do, a pair of fuck me boots, a silk camisole, a drop dead dress. Think about your own sexuality (yeah, that a whole ‘nother post!) Figure out what your “I feel sexy” item is. And then think about it. Why does that item work for you? Is it the cut (those pants are SO flattering!), is it the feel of the material on your skin? Is that the skirt that always gets the men to whistle?
The specific item doesn’t matter.
This is what I’m suggesting: once you’ve determined why you feel sexy in those clothes/shoes/undergarments, find a way to incorporate that feature, fit or texture in your daily life. Yes, for some SAHMs showering is a luxury, let alone thinking about your own sexuality. Well, this ain’t news: if Mom ain’t happy, NOBODY’s happy. Capiche? And while focusing on getting your horny on may sound like the last thing you think of when you look at your rug rats, do it for them. You know, the little people.
Did this just take a turn for the silly? *slap *slap Come on Woman, focus here!
Remember this is for you. Adonis can’t tell you what my go to items are. I know he likes me in satin panties. OKAY! But he can tell you by my walk, my certain kind of sass that I’m feeling sexy. Strut your stuff, wear that knowing smile. It might a while for your partner or the men you’re hoping to attract to notice, but you’ll know, won’t ya?
Thoughts?
Does this sound like a viable series? Have some suggestions? Has this been done too much?
Do I need to assign homework that we revisit another day? Feedback?
Sex? Where? Sign me UP!
Heh.
I took a break from feeling sexy. Like a 3 year break. My poor husband. But the past few years have been pretty good. We have our ups & downs…and one night, it’s not even what I was wearing – I just said “I’d fuck you for a snicker’s bar right now.” You see, we haven’t had snickers in the house for ages because one kid is allergic to peanuts. Wouldn’t you know it, Mr. Kiss got up from the recliner and walked to the office, returning with not 1 but 2 [mini] snickers. He had been away recently and bought that $12 pack of candy from the mini-bar. Damn straight, I had to follow through.
My point is – for me – it’s not something I wear, it’s more the attitude…mine if I’m alone and both if necessary [if you know what I mean]. I guess a good bra never hurt, but it just ends up on the floor, now doesn’t it?
You know he’s lucky you’re easy and you’re lucky he knows what you like.
And absolutely its all about attitude. And funny how a good romp in the sack only improves our attitude outside it.
I don’t know what I was wearing, exactly, but I know what I wasn’t wearing!! These extra 25 pounds, that’s what!
I’ll you see many of us feel most sexy when we’re active. Funny how that works. The sexier we feel the more sex we’re likely to have. Did you know you can burn up to 350 calories per hour of sex? I realize that’s a lot of sex….but I can’t think of a more pleasurable way to shed a few pounds.
Did you hear the sexist knews this morning?
All the talk about all these women having oral preformed on them with when they said “nearly everyone is getting eating out because they cannot cook in hotel/motel rooms”
Since English distinguishes between which sex is the receiver, it is safe to assume his report was speaking of women getting licked and not men (ASSUMING the dude has good grasp on the language, which you would think since he gets paid to employ a language for a living.
I love this posts, and think it is definitely a viable, ongoing topic. I’ve pretty much loss my baby weight, but I want to feel sexy again for me. I have these tight fitting American Rag jeans that really do the job. And my hubby just goes crazy when I wear jeans. But I need the full package, hair done, eyebrows waxed, mani & pedi, the works!!!
First, I’d recommend you go buy yourself another pair the next chance you get. And I completely understand how not only the pretty package can turn on both you and your hubby but the prep work, being spoiled by an esthetician can prime you for more pleasurable activities.
If my nails are done, legs shaved, LOOK OUT! Amazing what taking care of ourselves can do for both us and our partners!
Not constantly sweating in a humid environment?
I really don’t know…Probably when I weighed a little less, but I was also grossly underweight for a long time and my body image can be a bit skewed.
I’m looking forward to Autumn: jeans, tights, sweaters, scarves, etc. Always feel good in those as opposed to summer attire.
AMEN, yeah, while its nice to make the room humid in our efforts, I know what you mean about feeling like you’re living in a steam room. I hope you don’t me asking: do you like Autumn because of the opportunity to cover your body? And if that’s what works for you, embrace it. I personally can’t wait to wear my boots and strut my stuff.
Good question about the cover-up. That may have a tiny bit to do with it or the fact that I come from pasty-white Germanic stock and really stick out amongst my sun-fried Southern neighbors.
I’ve always preferred colder weather and love this time of year. A great pair of jeans and boots can do wonders for curvy women.
Hay, that’s a great idea, to make it into a series. It’s an important problem you addressed in that post. I guess the most common is that the man wants more, but I know of the opposite too >:)
Thank you. And I think you bring up a great point. Yes, men seem to be insatiable. I think many women feel that they don’t have the luxury to have sex. We have women here that need to feel put together before they feel sexy. I know I don’t feel sexy when I have a load of dishes to do, laundry to fold and a baby to put to bed. Sex is the last thing on my mind. Funny thing is if my husband were to do the dishes, allowing me 10 minutes to myself, I am ready to rock. I don’t think men know how easy we can be! It really can be a win-win.
My husband could give a shit less what I’m wearing, he prefers me not to smell like vomit. Sexy for me is directly linked to exercise. If I work out then I’m parading around in my panties like I’m school girl Britney and if not I’m covering that shit up like she should have done at the MTV awards and absolutely nothing has changed with my physical appearance.
That is a funny idea…that you don’t smell like your children’s bodily fluids. My husband prefers I not smell like I’ve been to the gym. But he knows me well that I’m definitely more amorous when I’ve stayed active. Ever done a zumba class? I couldn’t keep my hands off him after that class.
Sexy? Gah. I don’t think I’ve felt sexy since before The Boy was born. I have this dress, a junior’s size 9 strapless a-line Ruby Rox party dress with large white pokadots and pink tuell under the skirt with a matching pink flower on the bodice. I love that dress so hard and I refuse to give it up. I hope to fit back into it one day! Its my goal, although it will probably take me a year to get back into it!
I wish you luck and can envision the dress. Sounds like hot stuff….and a good goal to hold on to. I hate to keep repeating myself but its amazing how cyclical exercise and sex can be. The more you do it the more you want to do it. Promise you’ll post a pic when you get into your gorgeous dress?!?!?!
Yep. For me it is attitude as well. When either of is feelin frisky (which is a lot sorry) our go to phrase is “Pull your pants down”. Yeah, we’re romantic like that.
Ok. Now. I wanna know how to do that followers thingie. I. Must. Know.
Well I have been thinking about guest posts. Maybe we should talk.
I am ready for sex anytime I can lure a lover over. I feel sexy, sexual and almost always want it. Of course I live alone with a cat and am not married nor do I have children or grand children or drama ridden friends. It helps a girl focus.
You’re wonderful! And there is lesson to be learned there….thanks for the ideas!
Yep. For me it is attitude as well. When either of is feelin frisky (which is a lot sorry) our go to phrase is “Pull your pants down”. Yeah, we’re romantic like that.
Ok. Now. I wanna know how to do that followers thingie. I. Must. Know.
(Fucking WordPress is giving me a hell of a time getting this comment posted.)
Oh. And then it posts it Twice.
Fuck. Me.
Wow, look at all your comments!
I wouldn’t get too worried about the twitter thing mainly because I always forget to follow people I know on there, and then I feel all guilty when I realize. So maybe the people who aren’t following you on Twitter just don’t realize they aren’t? I don’t spend a whole lot of time on twitter.
And the things that make me feel sexiest are dresses with a 1950s style vibe to them. My body was MADE for dresses from that time, and I look fucking hawt when I wear them. : )
Oh yeah, I can see you dressed that way Sara! Look OUT! You and your fiance are so cute together. Does he know you like those sort of dresses?
i’ve been very lucky in the last few months. i’ve got a man, who is my best friend from the age of 14 on and has become more than that, who absolutely loves my body any way he can get it. he’s known me too skinny from depression-based anorexia in undergrad, way too overweight from the pain that was the end of my marriage, and everything in between. he’s not big into lingerie and fancy wrappings. in fact, though he loves me in a black dress and heels, he really loves me in nothing at all.
so i feel sexy in just about anything when he’s around. ‘course, he also makes me try harder; i’ve been investing in a lot of black lace lingerie. long story short, though, it’s all about the right partner. my man makes all the difference in the world.
How wonderful to have such an accepting friend and partner! And I do agree, its as much about ourselves as it is with whom we love.
Wow, great topic! Now that I’m totally in my late-40′s (I know, denial, denial) I agree with that whole what-happened-to-my-butt comment. Things that make me feel the hottest? I have one pair of dark Old Navy jeans that fit perfectly, and probably something sleeveless and black. And some big-ass earrings and boots.
Now I want to go on a date. And instead, I have to pick up my kid.
Aah Sherri! Any cute single dads in the school yard? And I suspect there are a few of us with boot fetishes.
I’m not one of your posse chicks, but I do feel sexy all the time. Especially in my moth-eaten, beer and pizza stained, plaid cotton robe open so my boxer shorts can air out. I know I’m hot because every time I walk into the den my wife goes, “Oh, God!”. She’s so lucky.
No John, you are definitely counted in my posse. Your comments are always welcome, you dirty old man!
Oh! And the open robe makes it easier to scratch my ass. Just saying…
And the farts to disperse.
Look at you with all the comments! Obviously, this is a great topic and one you should explore further. I love it!
I don’t feel sexy in lingerie at all. I feel kind of like a poser. I prefer white tank tops and cotton undies. Plus, feeling sexy really is a state of mind. I feel sexiest when I am confident. I need a creative outlet, time away from my kids, and a glimmer of my own life to give me a strut in my stride.
My husband will take it any way he can get it, but I know he gets turned on when I am tuned into my creative and fun-loving side.
I hope you will make this a series Mad Woman! Great idea!
xo
I’ve never had a flat tummy in my life, no matter how active I am. My feeling of sexy is more tied up with my curves. Liking your idea!
Trying SO hard to get my sexy back but the pair of boots that I really think could do that costs $140 and the hubs doesn’t see it as a smart, useful way to spend that kind of money. Shoes are what make me feel sexy and I NEED these stupid boots. May have to keep putting them on hold until I can save up enough pennies!
Definitely a viable series.
once upon a time, i actually had a six pack (no, not just of cheap beer). i’d feel way sexier if i had those phenomenal abs back.
but regardless of what i’m wearing for the world to see, whether it’s a suit or ratty old jeans, i love wearing lacy underwear…thongs (it’s a throwback to my bitchy sorority girl days)… i’m dangerous at the VS semi-annual sale.
Oh, I miss those days. Stocking up on goodies at VS. Nowadays, the husband and I go in, pick a few fantasy related items, bring them home to try them on together and have a good laugh. And they go back. Sigh.