Asinine to Zoloft

A writing prompt came my way.

Blindly, I said I’d do it.

Cheryl, (yes, I’m calling you out) said write a post using each letter of the alphabet…or something.

Delightful, yes, this will be delightful.

Except for the fact I may lose readers over this, or my writers cred, this should be fun.

Fun, right? Possibly funny?

Go ahead, I won’t blame you if you check out now.

Happy dance, you’re still here.

I don’t know where this is going, thank you.

Just hang in there.

Kidding, I know this will go to Z, zebra, zionist, ZZ Top.

Lovingly, I type out each word for your entertainment.

Merrily, I sing the alphabet song.

Nodding off since its also the tune to Twinkle Twinkle, the song I sing to Mad every night.

Ozzy Osbourne can’t do this!

Praying my laptop doesn’t crash again (apparently the mention of Ozzy sent it into some neurogenic shock!)

Quickly I scramble to finish all this silliness before dinner boils over.

Resolutely I plod on.

Silly, I know! (talk to MommyPants!)

Thankfully we’re almost to the end.

Underwear pulled out of my ass, knuckles cracked, I bow my head to finish.

Virtually unscathed from this exercise, the writer in me begins to question quality.

What should I do? (So close I can smell it, easy since this has stunk from the start!)

Xanadu, this is not.

Yes, you’re right, just finish.

Zipless fuck! A usually spontaneous sexual encounter between strangers with little or no personal information exchanged. The highest plateau of casual sex.

Wait, this isn’t my Tuesday sex post….let me try this again…

Zzzzz,  (apparently I’m not as entertaining as I’d like to think I am.)

Shit, that’s a cheap trick….one more time.

Zoned in, I’m ready to write……

33 Responses to Asinine to Zoloft
  1. Sherri
    January 6, 2011 | 10:47 pm

    Score!!! But where’s your x??? That’s where I’m stuck right now!!!

  2. Erin
    January 6, 2011 | 11:05 pm

    I was cracking up, this is great!!

  3. Karen Peterson
    January 6, 2011 | 11:19 pm

    Very funny!

    Xanadu! Hilarious!

  4. Symdaddy
    January 7, 2011 | 1:47 am

    Just as well you ain’t German!

    Not many words start with Ä, Ö, Ü or ß

    • Symdaddy
      January 7, 2011 | 1:49 am

      Erm …. the ß is an SZ or sharp S

  5. CDG
    January 7, 2011 | 3:47 am

    Leave it to you to get Xanadu and zipless fuck in the same post!
    It’s like blogging in the 80′s!
    Pass the cocaine and roller skates!

  6. Nancy C
    January 7, 2011 | 3:52 am

    Underwear pulled out of my ass, knuckles cracked, I bow my head to finish.—Now that’s some nice imagery right there! Seriously! I loved it.

    And the phrase “Zipless Fuck!” is know on my must say list.

    Very funny!

    Visiting from RDC

  7. cristina
    January 7, 2011 | 4:43 am

    You are too funny, I loved reading your piece.

  8. varunner7
    January 7, 2011 | 4:53 am

    Your Z! I haven’t heard that phrase since high school. And w/ a little Ozzy thrown in too. Excellent.

  9. ksluiter
    January 7, 2011 | 5:10 am

    bwhahahaha! I really love this! It has cracked me right up first thing in the morning!

  10. Carrie
    January 7, 2011 | 6:12 am

    I am loving the various ways people tackled this prompt. Great job!

    Xanadu, ha!

    Visiting from Red Writing Hood

  11. Valerie
    January 7, 2011 | 6:50 am

    Hilarious!!
    I just spit coffee everywhere over this one!
    A B C D E F G………

  12. Nichole
    January 7, 2011 | 7:00 am

    You never fail to bring it.
    You are indeed the Mad Woman!
    I love, love, love it!

    You know what I love most about your writing? I can always feel your presence in it. Your voice is so strong and it always feels like you’re talking to me. And that? Is an excellent thing, my friend.

    Great job.

  13. Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts
    January 7, 2011 | 7:17 am

    LOL. This is too cute. You did a great job.

  14. Jessica
    January 7, 2011 | 7:41 am

    This is wonderful!!

  15. MommaKiss
    January 7, 2011 | 7:46 am

    I’m with CDG (minus the crack-rock, I’ll stick to the boone’s farm)

  16. Jaime
    January 7, 2011 | 7:53 am

    Hi there,

    I’m commenting here for two reasons. 1 – cute post. 2 – you commented on my blog and I’m so completely blog/internet un-savvy, that I have no idea how to set up my blog so I can reply to others. Anywho…thanks for your comment and I’m glad you found me, I hope you’ll come back. To answer your questions…when I just had Ainsley, I could never tell her no. She was the center of my universe, my whole world, she could do no wrong. Once Freddie came along…well, I love her just as much, but now she has to share that space. So I definitely see her flaws and try to correct them. When number 2 comes along, it’s harder, but easier to see each of your children for their strengths and their imperfections.

    Good luck and hope to talk again soon.

  17. Yuliya
    January 7, 2011 | 7:57 am

    A cheap trick…woman don’t sell yourself short.

  18. Mindy
    January 7, 2011 | 8:30 am

    Nice! I’m stealing Zipless Fuck the next time I tell a “before husband” story! I think this post was a fun take on the prompt!

  19. Redshoes51
    January 7, 2011 | 9:00 am

    Hmmm…. a ‘zipless fuck…’

    When I think of a ‘zipless fuck,’ I’m thinking that it just wasn’t any thing spectacular…

    … and if that is the case, is a ‘zipless fuck’ a ‘zipless fuck’ for both parties (assuming only two people here)???

    ~shoes~

  20. NotJustAnotherJennifer
    January 7, 2011 | 9:03 am

    Dude, I totally have “Xanadu” stuck in my head now. Great job with the assignment! Entertaining as always!

  21. Natalie
    January 7, 2011 | 9:20 am

    Dude! I didn’t even realize that you’d started the alphabet until I was half way through! Fantastic :)

  22. RottenMom
    January 7, 2011 | 10:10 am

    First time here and I’ll be back!

  23. The Drama Mama
    January 7, 2011 | 10:36 am

    Perfection. Seriously. It is hilarious!! Randomness in its finest form, pure fun, and again, thanks for the suggestion of xanax. It fit in just fine! :)

  24. Ashley K.
    January 7, 2011 | 12:09 pm

    Very entertaining! I loved it! Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Yes, I cheated but the letter X sucks! Screw you letter X! Lol.

  25. Jax
    January 7, 2011 | 12:40 pm

    I’m with Natalie! I didn’t even realize you started the alphabet until I got to R!! Fabulous job as always :D

  26. Cheryl @ Mommypants
    January 7, 2011 | 12:41 pm

    Snicker snicker.

    Zipless fuck?

    Awesome.

    This cracked me up, my friend!

  27. magnolia
    January 7, 2011 | 2:01 pm

    dude, i appreciate any post that ends with an erica jong reference. make my life, why don’t ya? :)

  28. Greta
    January 7, 2011 | 4:27 pm

    Love it! Very cute :)

  29. Veronica
    January 7, 2011 | 9:15 pm

    That was great! I’d never head the term ‘zipless fuck’. I learned something new, lol!

  30. Ratz
    January 8, 2011 | 1:14 am

    HIGH-larious! Thanks for the laugh lady

  31. tulpen
    January 8, 2011 | 5:06 am

    Must add ‘Zipless Fuck’ to my profanity bank. Thank you very much.

  32. Morgan B.
    January 9, 2011 | 9:38 pm

    Brilliant!

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