Where I plot the death of loved ones.

Oh, did you really think I would be so mad as to plan the murder of my family? Why when I can keep them around to torture? Come on.
No, today’s post is brought you by the lovely ladies of the Red Dress Club.  They presented this prompt:
I truly enjoyed spending time with them. I just had to decide which of them I would kill. And while yes, this is to be fiction, it is based on a true story.

The day started off as beautiful as one could expect.  A bit brisk but the wind didn’t bite, the sun was out. Sherri came to my house, the little sucker. I could have done her in right there. I would have taken her for her boots alone. I kept my eye on where she put her sunglasses too.

Together we drove into the city for brunch with a few bloggers. We were meeting at the Beach Chalet, a favorite spot of mine. With wide expanses of windows, you could see for miles. The visibility and the foot traffic would pose a problem for a less cunning assassin but not me, the Mad Woman.

Lori and Nicole were already seated, next to the windows, of course. Sure, that’s what you get for waiting on a carpool. But their pleasure wouldn’t last long. I noticed they hadn’t ordered drinks, so that was a good thing. Shortly after introductions and hugs all around we sat and awaited the next 2 parties to arrive, Yuliyah and Tarja. Oh yes, jokes were made, abuse of the language was commited.

Not long the conversation was flowing, first about everyone’s health, some chatter about the waiter and what to order and then on to what we all came for: blogchat. Oh yes, we talked about monetizing and traffic and hurtful comments. Little did these women know that this just might be the last time they could tweet  or chat about guest posting and SEO’s and the impact their blogs had on their real lives.

I hadn’t thought I wanted to knock them off. They were certainly entertaining. It was just, I was so, oh, how to say it, JEALOUS. Talent flowed from their fingertips. The loyalty of their readers, their traffic, their creativity.  I had to have it!

It wasn’t long until I felt the madness take over. The voices in my head spun around like leaves being whipped up by the wind.  I could eat a piece of each of their brains. I could apportion some  truth serum and have them lead me to their idea vaults, their unpublished posts and I could steal them for myself.

I looked around the table and started to think of what I needed from each one. Lori, she was the one that demonstrated a vocabulary that my tired lexicon of words couldn’t even fathom. Then there was Nicole, so sweet and kind. Her skills as a parent, her ability to capture those MOMENTS was like a thorn in my side, pointing out my failures as a mother. Sherri, kind and pretty Sherri. She was past the days of bottles and butt whiping. She was so pulled together and yet still could write about those early years with such heart.  ACK! Then there was the ivy leaguer, Tarja.  Ugh, the adoration people had for her! And her humorous voice, oh the talent.  Even worse, her poetry doesn’t make me want to throw bleach in my eyes.  She was being sized up, for sure. I would be remiss if I didn’t tell of the beautiful Yuliyah. Have you seen her photography? And her daughter, OMG, that beautiful piece of fairy dust, gorgeous.  But you know what really chapped me? Her wit. Yeah, she’s a damn funny woman and it ate at me and ate at me. I sat there, mute, DUMB, completely unable to say an intelligent word.

The brunch was drawing to an end and I still hadn’t made up my mind on how I would end them. As ladies after many a cup of coffee or juice are wont to do, the party moved on the ladies room. I waited outside and thought and thought. I could throw in a bomb. Or maybe release some airborne poison. Maybe I could chase a pair of them off a nearby cliff, shove another off a famous bridge, Hmmm.

But before I could ratify my plan, the ladies emerged, chatty and cooing over the lovely Yuliyah’s daughter. And it was that little darling that saved them all. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t kill off a mother….at least not until I had milked each one of them of all their bloggy powers.

It’s not over yet!

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