Before I jump into today’s 30 Days of Truth post, I wanted to highlight something I wrote about the other day. I didn’t get any comments on this and just wanted to give the book the justice it deserves.
What I wrote: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I loved this book and I go back and read it every few months when I lose sight of what is real and important…I’m feeling like its time again to pick up the old friend of mine. Here is what the dust jacket says: …reveals the source of self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create needless suffering. Based on ancient Toltec wisdom, the Four Agreements offer a powerful code of conduct that can rapidly transform our lives to a new experience of freedom, true happiness and love.
Here are those Four Agreements:
1. Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. (Doesn’t leave room for sarcasm, does it?)
2. Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. When you are immune to the opinion and action of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. (Wish I could remember this one!)
3. Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstands. (This one will pay you back in GOLD, I promise!)
4. Always do your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you’re healthy than when you are sick. Under any circumstances, simply do your best, and you will avoid any self-judgment, self-abuse and regret. (Um, that may just mean me not mailing it in anymore, damn.)
This book has made a difference in my life every time I’ve read it. Ruiz talks about the wisdom of children, before they are conditioned by us hardened adults. I see this in my daughter. When I’m asked a question where my answer is “No”, 9 times out of ten, I either intone that word with anger, disappointment, resentment or with a whisper, depending on who asked the question. I ask my daughter (in a normal conversation) a question where she responds with a “No” and its the sweetest word out of her mouth. Honest, without regret, without concern of what I might think, without fear. Its amazing.
Anyway, no this is not a sponsored post, I’ve owned this book for years and am always ashamed and then relieved when I pick it up to read again. If you’d like to hear more, have questions, just email me and we can talk about it.
And to speak with integrity: I won’t be living by the letter of this book, just in case you were thinking that I was overhauling my writing. Um, no.
Okay, on to today’s prompt: My opinion of gay marriage. Ugh, right? Okay its a simple answer but, you know, I need to give a little background. I’m not a big fan of marriage (Stop, I know, I’m married, this isn’t about MY marriage). My parents have been married for over 40 years. I’ve seen them both unhappy, I’ve been caught in the middle when they separated for a couple of years and I’ve seen them come back together, blissful for a while and then back to their old habits. Theirs isn’t the only marriage I’ve seen like that. I’ve also observed relationships where couples were committed to each other without the need to have a church or government put their stamp on their union.
Marriage and certainly weddings were never things I dreamed about as a kid. I didn’t romanticize love. I never dreamed about my Prince Charming or Knight in shining armor. But I did think about having my best friend around for the rest of my life and sharing myself with this person. I didn’t need to stand up before every one I knew and loved to say “This is my husband, and I am his wife and we will be together for ever.” Never felt that. Nope.
Okay so here you go. When I fell in love with Adonis and knew without a doubt that I wanted to spend my life with him and that I did not want to imagine my life without him in it. After a while it became apparent to me that our lives would be easier, our future children’s lives would be easier if we conformed. Better to give lip service to an institution that held no meaning to me than to deal with the pesky traditional family members that repeatedly asked when we were getting married, repeatedly suggesting how difficult life would be for my children if their parents’ union wasn’t acknowledged by the government. So I caved.
ANYWAY, back to the prompt. My opinion gay marriage: This isn’t an original thought but here you go: why shouldn’t Gays have the right to the challenges, the sexless nights, the required and uncomfortable visits to the inlaws? Really, is that what we’re protecting?
Mad Woman, you’re sounding cynical.
Bite me.
Let Gays marry. And then we can all piss and moan in our beers together.
What?
I love Adonis, we are not going through a rough patch. This is not a less than subtle message to him. And I suspect he’d write a similar post, if he wrote, that is. Well, he wouldn’t use the words delightful or fabulous. He isn’t THAT comfortable. But we are of the same opinion on both marriage and gay rights. Whew. Now, if we could only agree on a damn house.
I love you.
Will have to read “The Four Agreements”.
I do not understand any objection to gay marriage, specifically the one raised by the religious community (yes, I am painting with a broad brush right now. I know there are churches and denominations that take no issue with homosexuality). If a specific church objects, then the couple doesn’t have to be married there. Seems like a no-brainer to me. Personally, I think marriage should be a civil arrangement with the government and then if the couple chooses to have a religious ceremony, so be it.
Jessica recently posted..Thanks For Trying- Again
[Reply]
On number 3, I find that people will pay attention to what I say if I give them a punch between their eyes first. It makes them give you undivided attention. Whereas a chop to the throat (which I use to do) tends to make them concentrate more on breathing than listening.
And I agree that gays should be able to marry. Love is hard enough to find, and if it comes from the same sex, how can it be wrong? Besides, why should us breeders (as we are know in the gay community) be the only ones miserable?
Coffeypot recently posted..What Do You Look Like
[Reply]
here comes the lawyer in me: i’ve never understood how it’s possible to deny a whole section of the population the upwards of 1,000 civil benefits under all manner of legal regimes that marriage gives you. it’s a civil-rights issue as far as i’m concerned. churches have issues with the morality, the supposed contravention of their rules. frankly? it’s not their business who gets legal rights and who doesn’t. if a given church doesn’t want to let married gay people into their club, well, so be it. that’s their privilege. but they do NOT get to say who’s fully a citizen and who isn’t based on their rules, holy books, etc.
/rant over
and that book sounds amazing. i’m going to have to find it and pick it up.
magnolia recently posted..big-girl job
[Reply]
I have that book in my collection of those kinds of books… It’s not a long read, but it’s a good one…
Gay marriage issue… I can understand both sides of it… if marriage has been defined by the churches and all down through the years, then their viewpoint makes some sense.. if it hasn’t been defined by religion down through the ages, and instead, by society, then I would argue that their viewpoint makes no sense.
I agree that gay partners should be allowed to have their unions and share in the benefits that hetero male/female couples share. It is clear to me that they love each other as much as any other couple.
Who knows… maybe there will become a distinction between a ‘church marriage’ and a ‘civil marriage’…
Am I correct in that the Catholic Church still has issues with divorce?
I have a headache…
I need a margarita…
What? It’s not even noon on Sunday yet??
Fuck…
Love…
~shoes~
[Reply]
Let gays marry, by all means.
But I draw the line at men in gay relationships being allowed to adopt children.
If they aren’t ‘equipped’ to give birth in the first place, they shouldn’t have the right to adopt as some gay couples have already done (Elton John and Wassisname) .
Adoption should be reserved for married (man-woman) couples that cannot have their own children.
Symdaddy recently posted..Cat vs Printer
[Reply]
remembering these could make a profound difference in one’s life-thank you for posting this
ridgely recently posted..Sammy- our Jack Russell Terrier- & his Bucket Head
[Reply]
I have nothing against gay marriages, and I liked your twist on it. Cool >:)
[Reply]
[...] I may have to check out the books that Jill from Single Mom on a Budget and The Mad Woman from A Diary of a Mad Woman though. They wrote pretty convincing posts! Jackie Tweet This Post 0 Comments – Leave a comment! [...]
Genius. I need to get that book. Believe it or not, I’m not actually perfect, despite what I tell Rutherford (all the time!).
And BTW, we ARE NOT married, but we are happily happy…but will probably conform to the marriage thing later this year. I’m tired of all the name confusion and when he get’s called by my last name… How do you say, le pissed? Touchy touchy.
Nicole recently posted..Summer Infant BabyTouch Digital Video Monitor Review!
[Reply]
It’s not gays that threaten marriage, it’s humans. Just my two cents.
And no sarcasm? How would I live?
Klz recently posted..Hoping for a Repeat
[Reply]
The book seems really interesting, lady. Really!
I’m all for anyone marrying. We ‘boy-girl’ relationships shouldn’t have to suffer alone.
[Reply]
When I finishing reading “Too Perfect” and “The Happiness Advantage” (make your own inferences). I will definitely read this one!
I am right there with you on gay marriage! Everyone deserves to be qually happy and miserable! I am, of course, always rediculously happy, head over heels, full of romantical (my favorite made-up word) visions of cherubs and cupids. Always. Every day. Even after being up all night with the kids.
And I don’t understand the use of sarcasm.
[Reply]
You know, you posted about the book in that prior post, and I meant to say something, but then I read something else in your post that I absolutely had to respond to, and that drove the book from my memory. I re-read so few books: 1984, Lamb, the Gospel According to Biff (Christ’s Childhood Friend), Anansi Boys, and the Harry Potter saga – but being more personable without taking things personally? That seems like a good lesson if it could actually get through my skull — provided I didn’t have to give up the snark.
What I want to know from the faction that believes that gay marriage is wrong is why they care. I mean, for reals. People wear socks with sandals every single fucking day. This practice infuriates me and drives me to the brink of insanity. But, I step back for a second & realize that, you know, the person who is committing the fashion faux-pas isn’t actually affecting me. I can lead my life, as I want to, without having to personally wear socks with sandals, myself. Despite how wrong I see the act, their stupid decision, at the end of the day, doesn’t make a lick of difference (note, I don’t actually find anything about gay people marrying, having sex, or generally be together the least bit objectionable, it’s just, well, I know there are people who do – I just don’t get why they care).
John recently posted..My First Marathon
[Reply]
Okay…. I need to look into getting that book. And you’re right! Let them get married and enjoy all the fun things we do!
Jackie recently posted..Day 18 Gay Marriage
[Reply]
I’m not a fan of “self-help books” but this one seams reasonable!
Pamela recently posted..Trapped Behind Glass
[Reply]
I don’t even understand why gay marriage is an issue. I don’t understand why the idea of it makes people so angry.
Anyone should be legally allowed to marry. Some day (hopefully soon!) we will look back on this with the same amazement as we look back on segregation in the 60s. Amazed that it could happen here, that is.
[Reply]
After I finish “Facing 30″ I’m gong to order that book. You are full of good recommendations. I especially love #2 on the Four Agreements.
I fully support gay marriage and I look forward to the day when this is not an issue. And it will come. It is mind-boggling to me when people say gay marriage threatens traditional marriage. All the argument are non-sensical. Even the comment above regarding gay marriage and adoption is asinine. *sigh*
[Reply]
Okay ~ missed the first post about the Don Miguel Ruiz book, but JUST finished my last book and was thinking, “What is left for me to read now?”
So thanks!
Also, with regards to gay marriage, I couldn’t agree with you more.
I simply can’t take seriously the argument that “civil unions” should be enough for same-sex couples because “marriage” is sacred. Not in a country where Britney Spears can marry anyone she wants for five minutes.
In Vegas.
How sacred is the Little Chapel with the Elvis guy officiating anyway? Please.
Off to find your book recommendation…
Yay!
julie recently posted..Today call me arid
[Reply]