Its like bathing in Starbursts

Yes folks I’m bringing you a guest post because, well, it isn’t that I’m not feeling sexy. (Did you see me strutting my stuff, baby belly out to here and wearing fishnet stockings …that crazy bitch was me!)  But I’m swamped at work and barely keeping my shit together at home. (Why is it keeping my house spotless has me all frazzled?)

So anyway, my dear friend and personal hero Pamela from 2 Much Testosterone offered up some words about sex and the real world of marriage. She truly is a strong woman who is kicking PPD a kick in the ass.  Her strength, her hope and determination will make her your hero too.  Go get to know her, will you?

Oh and then come back and read her insightful post.  Thank you Pamela!

Sexy Time: It’s like bathing in Starbursts that someone already unwrapped for you, only better!

Women go through so various stages in life. As we barrel through each one, our sex lives take twists and turns; some are manageable and some are just plain ridiculous. To be blunt, it takes a beating sometimes and doesn’t get back up.

Take getting pregnant for example. Each woman is different just as each pregnancy is. In the beginning, most of us are scared to get it on with our significant other because, “What if his penis pokes the baby in the eye? Then my baby will be blind because I wanted a few moments of sexy time!” Of course that wouldn’t happen and it’s okay to admit the thought crossed your mind. Go ahead, say it out loud. You’ll feel better.

The first trimester is when we usually worry about having all the sex, plus we’re grouchy and bloated and the morning sickness lasts from sun up to sun down. (Who the hell named it that? Idiot.) The second trimester is when most of us feel a bit better. We’re in a groove…and sex? It’s not sounding so bad right now. In fact, can we do it like three times a day please? By the time the third trimester rolls around you’ve either worked out the positioning so it flows or you just give up.

Giving up is so not the way to go. After you push that kid out, he doesn’t stop crying. How are you going to find time to bring your sexy back when all this human does is eat, shit and scream?

Seriously! So have the sex as much as possible while you’re pregnant. In my experience, the sensations are magnified.

Being able to laugh at yourself in your time of need also doesn’t hurt. I’d even go so far to suggest taping it so you can laugh over it when the kid makes it to college.

Ya’ll before my third baby, sex was wonderful. It was fun and it wasn’t planned.

Don’t have planned sex.

Really. If you feel the need to set a day and time to roll in the sack, nix it altogether. What’s the point?

Throw nursing into the mix. Your boobs are like boulders, in weight and to the touch. Your baby only seems to want to eat after you’ve pumped. And your husband? He decides to turn on the foreplay and all you can think about is taking out one of your weapons and squirting him in the eye with the liquid gold. Oh the waste!

After I gave birth the third time everything changed. I mean everything. Postpartum depression was settling in and the thought of sex made me dry heave. It felt dirty and wrong. It was like my baby was whispering in my ear, “I know what you’re up to!” Maybe that’s my being paranoid but it didn’t feel right. So maybe you’re prescribed some medication and the warning is right there on the box. “May cause decreased libido”. And you think, “Hmmmmm, I don’t have the desire anyhow!” So you swallow the pill. Then you look at the calendar and add up the number of weeks since you’ve been naked other than when you get in and out of the shower.

It’s a light bulb moment. It was once on and blinding you, it dimmed out, then the son of a bitch exploded and complete darkness took over. All of a sudden, your inner self decided it was probably time to change that bulb. Now, it’s a spot light shining down on you and sexy time is all you can think about. Justin Timberlake is blaring in your ears cause, duh, “He brought sexy back!” and oh thank God it’s back!

What it comes down to is this. Sex is healthy and natural and fun. And it’s totally NORMAL to want to do it. Maybe not in the middle of a meeting at work or while you’re watching Cartoon Network with the kiddos…..There’s a time and a place.

Are you having trouble catching the eye of your man? It’s probably because you forced him on this roller coaster ride with you and you didn’t even ask in the first place. Now he’s fracking scared to lay a hand on you. Is she gonna cry? Is she gonna touch me back? Is she gonna hit me? So yeah, he’s not sure which personality is going to answer to his advances. You have to ease him back into the flow.

Just saying that you want to is probably not enough. They’re men for god’s sake, you might have to make a sign and picket in front of the TV in something slinky to retrain him. Coax him back out of that shell and don’t start talking about daycare or world hunger or tampons within the hour leading up to sexy time to a minimum of an hour after the deed is done. Trust me. I don’t think you can get mad if he rolls over and snoozes afterward either. But don’t you dare do that to him. He might want seconds and you kind of owe it to him.

Now that you’ve retrained him and you realize how good at sexy time you both are, repeat…repeat…repeat. Don’t stop again or he’ll probably freeze up like the tin man in need of oil.

Sexy time is a terrible thing to waste. At least, that’s what I think.

I told you she was wonderful.

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12 comments to Its like bathing in Starbursts

  • tulpen

    Pregnancy never stopped my husband. I thought it hysterical that he still wanted me in my 9th month, when I outweighed him by 50lbs and could barely move.

    I think we are some sort of exception. We’ve been doing it like rabbits for going on 14 years.
    tulpen recently posted..Shit Uncle Rusty Has SaidMy ComLuv Profile


  • Pamela

    This isn’t just a justified intro, it’s like world peace! Thanks for the feature!!!
    Pamela recently posted..Trapped Behind GlassMy ComLuv Profile


  • Cold As Heaven

    There are even men who find pregnant women particularly sexy (I’m not one of them, so just referring to what I’ve read). Nothing wrong about that. It ‘s just another fairly common fetish >:)


  • Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts

    Heck no don’t let pregnancy stop you from getting your sexy on.
    Tee aka The Diva’s Thoughts recently posted..People and Yard SalesMy ComLuv Profile


    Pamela Reply:

    I’ve been known to use certain “toys” when the husband wasn’t in the mood during my last pregnancy!


  • MommaKiss

    I hated sex during pregnancy. It wasn’t even about the kid or anything, I just was NOT at all interested. No problems other times, not at all.

    This here unwrapped starbursts, though? YUM! I’ll take a yellow sandwiched by two pink, please.


  • MommaKiss


    website is typed in wrong. what an asshole i am.
    MommaKiss recently posted..17My ComLuv Profile


  • magnolia

    yikes, this makes procreation sounds scary…
    magnolia recently posted..ooh stylishMy ComLuv Profile


  • write-brained

    heh heh–and this is why I heart me some Pam!!
    write-brained recently posted..Overused Themes in YA- PART IIIMy ComLuv Profile


  • Sara

    Sexy time is a terrible thing to waste. And I’ve been a wastin’

    Just further confirmation that Pamela rocks my world.
    Sara recently posted..Party OverloadMy ComLuv Profile


  • Symdaddy

    “They’re men for god’s sake, you might have to make a sign and picket in front of the TV in something slinky to retrain him.”

    Now that was naughty! And very untrue (in my case).

    I can hear the twang of knicker elastic at 100 paces! I know when the remote control isn’t on the table that ‘sport’ is on the cards!

    And let me tell you … I never turn down ‘nicies’ even when my team is on TV!

    Great post otherwise.
    Symdaddy recently posted..Doors- Pants- Elephants And A Visitor From GodMy ComLuv Profile


    Pamela Reply:

    I love this comment. L-O-V-E!!!
    Pamela recently posted..Trapped Behind GlassMy ComLuv Profile


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