I’m really not that nice.

I know, I know.  When I say that people that don’t really know me say “Nooooo.  Not possible.”  And people that have gotten close enough for me to make fun of their very personal issues say, “used to?”

Let me explain.  In our household, it was a sign of affection if someone poked fun at you.  It meant they were paying attention to you.  If you weren’t being picked on, you either were spending way too much time locked in your room or you just weren’t trying.

When I was barely 15, I got a job at the Sonic.  Fortunately for the patrons and my coworkers, we didn’t wear roller skates.  I was a “curb attendant.”

It didn’t take long to figure out how to flirt with the patrons to make more tips.  Not much longer that it was more fun to poke fun than it was to take home a fatter wallet.  (Never been really money smart this one.)  Sure, I sort of thought I was being cute.

A few years later and I’m being told by the cute boy I stalked at a bar (that is after we started dating) that I needed to be nice.  Ick, no way.  Be nice, that’s just another way of showing weakness.  I also wasn’t a big fan of stuffed animals.  Cute boy made the mistake of giving me a teddy bear holding a heart.  I tried to give it to my dog but she had the same taste I did.  In case I’m not selling this bitch thing, I ripped the head off the damn thing and spread the stuffing around as if the dog got a hold of the bear.  It was a tough sale.

So I kept it up, finding weaknesses, mocking, completely without malice, mind you.  There was a time when I took another boy home.  (Oh yes, all boy, unfortunately.)  This time I was working behind the bar.  (Time of my life, I have to say)  Anyway, this fun guy was gorgeous to say the least and enjoyed the verbal jousts as much as I did.  And he kept coming back (to the bar, not my bed, thank you.).  I played fair, I wouldn’t cockblock a guy.  Nor would I stand in the way of a girlfriend getting some (as long as I didn’t think she was making a huge mistake.)  Now making fun of a guy to his guy friends was something else altogether.  Gorgeous guy was an easy target, his friends were regulars at the bar too.

At some point I softened.  Yeah, I fell hard for a guy and it was my downfall.  He screwed me over but it also got me thinking.  Maybe I really was a bitch. Next guy, I’ll give him a break.  So along came Mr.Wrong-for-me-in-a-big-way.  Arrived for our first date w/ half a dozen yellow roses.  Big mistake (someone else screwed up roses for me, jerk)  It was all down hill from there but he was nice, he deserved better, he was a really good guy.  Unfortunately, Mr WFMIABW was sweet when I was vulnerable and he was a good time, while there were new things to do.  But I just couldn’t respect him.  He was just not ENOUGH man for me.

So, after that relationship came to an end, I got real.  I kept some of my sass but also recognized what harm I had done w/ my sharp tongue.  I keep it in check now.  And I look for every opportunity to apologize to every person I find suffering from someone like me.  So, dearest readers, if you find my sass a little too caustic, do call me on it.

Oh, and if you’re a fan of House,  this weeks episode had an awesome speech by Wilson, chastising House for his poorly-directed amends.  Kinda hit close to home.  Mr. WFMIABW and Cute boy, I am deeply sorry. Gorgeous….yeah, you’re okay, you gave as good as you got (well in public, anyway.)