No, I didn’t say OLD did I?
There I go again, using that nasty word. It’s a dirty word in my book and I deny ever being aforementioned adjective.
Fooey.
Many of you know Liz from A belle, A bean and a Chicago dog I enjoy her writing and envy her common sense… she’s a sensible one, that Liz. (And in case you don’t know this about me: I don’t have a sensible bone in my body…I’m a mass of silly, neurotic, spastic neoplasm.)
So Liz wrote a post about the highlights of becoming a mother at 27, the challenges of being entrenched in diapers when her friends were still living it up. But the line that kicked me right in the teeth: “Â I will be 48 years old when my youngest is an adult and off to college.”
OUCH.
Oh… why ouch, you ask? Um, hint: check out the title of this post!
So being the mass of silly, neurotic, spastic neoplasm that I am, I didn’t seriously seek out a partner until my late 20′s. (All that dating in college and grad school was for recreational purposes only.) I met Adonis at 29. We figured out pretty quickly we liked each other well enough to have a family together but it wasn’t until I was 35 that Maddy came into our lives. It was another 3 years before the Dude showed up.
Interestingly enough, while I feel physically old (gah, there I go again) after a long night of Dude feedings and his fighting sleep, I don’t feel mentally, um, MATURE. I don’t have that “I got this” mental confidence of a woman who has FORTY (STOP IT!) Â breathing down her neck. For a gal who knows her job inside and out, knows how to make a fine martini and find her way around a big city, parenting a 4 year old is WAY OUT OF MY LEAGUE!
My youngest sister is 9 years younger than me. I remember her infancy and toddlerhood like it happened yesterday (bitter at being uprooted as the youngest/only daughter? maybe). Those memories of her and how my mom was a mother to her formed my parenting tactics. But somehow the preschooler years…completely lost on me. Adolescence has a funny way of turning the focus back on ourselves, doesnt it?
As a stark contrast to my late blooming, my living it up in my 20′s, my younger sister got married and started having children at 24. She’ll be 49 when her last child leaves for college. And she has this incredible confidence in her ability to mother her children. Is it because it’s all her adult life has been focused on? Or is it some innate talent I failed to be born with?
Was this a post with answers? Nope.
And if you tell anyone I used the “O” word to describe myself, I’ll cut ya.
What about you? How has your timeline for family making effected your view of parenthood?
I fall somewhere between you and Liz on the age spectrum, but this? I feel like I could have written this:
Interestingly enough, while I feel physically old (gah, there I go again) after a long night of Dude feedings and his fighting sleep, I don’t feel mentally, um, MATURE.
Sometimes I have to remind myself that I AM in fact, the adult in the situation.
angela recently posted..A Bedazzled Dream Day
I’m typing this with my 7 week old resting on my shoulder. My 3.5 year old is running ragged. I’m not tired because I have a new one, I’m tired because I’m an OLDer parent. I too was 35 when I had Emma and just had Addison at almost 38. I’m envious of the endurance and pep of younger moms but feel blessed to lived the life I’ve have. I tell myself this to get me by as an “older” parent. I say this now but who knows how I’ll feel when I’m watching my girls graduate high school when we’re pushing 60.
Cam recently posted..Wordless Wednesday
I think it is universal that the older we become, the less we know. I also think that the older we become, the more AWARE we are of how much less we know. It sounds like you felt you knew just what you were doing through your twenties – and your sister sounds like she feels that way as well. Maybe she’ll hit the same period of “What the hell?!” when she is your age (you know, 29). So perhaps it is a stage of growth unrelated to when your parenting begins. There isn’t a right way – we are all stuck with ourselves and just have to do our best.
Jessica recently posted..A tester and a teaser
My oldest was born when I was 27, but my mother had me when she was 21, so the perspective for me was a little different I think. My 14 year old has grandparents in their early 60′s (but my husband’s parents were closer to my grandparents’ ages). That preschool line looked much younger when I stood in it with my second one (and I was 34)! Your point about not knowing a different adult life was interesting. I didn’t have a career, or even a job, that I loved, so my job became being a mom. Looking back, I think I did better at it than I thought I was as I bumbled through it at the time…plus, now I feel even more clueless with the teen scene!
andrea recently posted..Reflections on no particular letter
Found you at Cookie’s blog. I’m 55 and my daughter is 24. I figure what is left to her in my will should clear up her college debts. Becoming a mom at 32 (two days before my birthday) was… interesting! And if the “O” word is “Ovaries,” mine are raisins now, ha ha ha.
I started responding, but realised I had more than a comment-worth to say. Thanks for the inspiration – my full reply is on my blog.
Shannon W. recently posted..oh mother-hood
Sugarpants, you are so not an old anything. Treasure the years of marriage you had with Adonis before all night feedings and fights about vegetables and poop, remember that you have LIVED, embraced crazy youthful stupid things, and when the kids finally stop pestering you, you get to do it all over again with a little extra wisdom in your pocket.
And remember, you’re only as old as your sense of humor. SO, you’re like 12, right?
Love you!!!
Feeling “mature” is a whole different can of worms I think! Ha!
Like I wrote in my post, I never had specific ages for any life events. And while I did pine for the loss of my 20′s and in seeing all the incredible things my friends without husbands and kids experienced then, I think there are pros and cons to everything. One of those things being how old i’ll be when the girls are grown. But there was a trade-off for that – I didn’t LIVE in my 20′s.
But we all end up in the same place; the difference is our age when we are “living it up”. Know what I mean?
liz recently posted..Because I was 27 when I became a mother
Hey you… the only option to not getting older is to… well, you know… I’m not ready for a dirt nap any time soon…
Life is beautiful…
~shoes~
Ready for this?
My parents were 39 when I graduated from HIGH SCHOOL.
30 – freaking – 9.
On the flip side, when I was 39, I seriously considered another round of kids (since I do things in twos and couldn’t have just ONE more, naturally).
My sister had her first child when she was 25 and her last at 27.
Still, by the time I had Jack at 28, I didn’t think of myself as a young mom. Or an old one, for that matter.
I was just a mom.
And I swear on a box of wine that my forties have been better than any other decade of my life thus far.
So. Remember this:
From today’s standpoint, you’re not old or young; you’re actually right in the middle of the spectrum… You’re a MOM, period.
I mean, there were a lot of moms hitting 50 when my kids were still in elementary school.
And you’ve got a much better rack and ass than most mamas in their twenties. I just know it.
(I know. Who cares? But still. It’s kinda cool.)
julie gardner recently posted..My Favorite Post
I think you know that I vacation with my in-laws, for a week, at the same beach, every year. The first year I went, my sister-in-law ended up storming out of the house, after yelling “you usurped my babyhood” at her brother. He was 9 years her younger, but was 16 at the time. You’d think she would have gotten used to “not being the baby” by then.
As far as my thoughts versus my body . . . well, whenever I head back to my Alma Mater (which I do, regularly, because my mother and sister now live in the same town), I look at the
kidsstudents and think of myself as a peer. Yeah, I didn’t graduate a dozen years ago. No wait, I did.I still don’t think of myself as “old,” even if I’ve hurt my back sneezing, and my hips getting out of bed.
And you, well, I’ve never thought of you as old, even if you might have been born before I was . . . you are such a youthful spirit. Seriously. Never, ever change that.
John recently posted..Where I recount an evening trip for ice cream
I was a relatively young dad. Now my son is in college (Penn State) and daughter in 9th grade.
I had my first two at 20 & 22, I was set, I would be 40 when they were out of the house.
Then I got remarried, had more at 34, 35, and 36.
Did I mention that they are ALL boys? And I don’t feel mature at all, either, btw!
Nicole recently posted..And a big "oops"
Oh Nicole – I think we are twin souls! I had my first at 21 and 22, then two more at 37 and 39. All boys….
My timeline was similar to yours – just before 31 when I had my first and 36 when I had my second. Here’s to sending them off to college just before we join AARP!
Missy | The Literal Mom recently posted..No Guarantee
Well my mother was even very old than you think.. She is already 56 and yet our youngest is just 12 years old.. but there is nothing wrong with it..
Jhenny recently posted..Vacation Traveling
If Mother Nature has listened to me, I would have been a mom at 28 and been done when my son was born. Mother Nature can screw with us but good.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I’m 36. When my mom was my age, I was 16. When my youngest sister left home, Mom was 43.
43!
When I’m 43, I won’t even have a teenager yet.
I don’t regret the fun and silliness that was my 20s. I do regret wasting all that “go to bed at 3 a.m. and get up to be at work at 8 a.m.” energy on things like clubbing.
And I have no clue as to what I’m doing. I’m still shocked every day to realize I’m a mom. My kids and I have a joke, when we’re eating ice cream for dinner, that we probably need to find ourselves a mother.
Wait. I HOPE they’re joking.