Love trumps everything

Hey all! How was your weekend? I’m hoping it was full of blog fodder that you will be sharing with me…well because mine wasn’t.

Anywhooooo, I’ve got another guest for you today. Jennifer Barr of Midwest Momments was so kind to take the time to share her thoughts on having another child. I know the idea crossed my mind the first time I held the Dude…and then quickly left the first time he latched on.

Oh, sorry, back to Jennifer.  She’s a girl after my own heart, living in one of my old stomping grounds, and she is as down to earth and honest as they come. Please enjoy her words here and be sure to head over to her blog and get to know her better. I’m so glad that I did.

Baby announcements on Twitter this week plus the reason for this guest post being due to a new baby in the world, it seemed only fitting to discuss the next step in our parenting lives – Baby #3.

I always wanted two children. It seemed like the perfect number. When I first met DH, who comes from an Irish-Catholic background, he joked that he wanted 20 kids – enough for an offensive line and a defensive line with us included.

After S was born, I wanted 20 more, too! She was so incredible! But I had had complications during the delivery and ended up having a C-section. My recovery was difficult. I couldn’t think about going through it again. We avoided the subject like religion or politics until we were at the self-imposed deadline for the age gap we wanted.

Thankfully, my second C-section went much more smoothly. Maybe it was because we already knew what we were getting into. Maybe it was because we had a second girl. Maybe it was the inevitable, adorable “new baby smell.” Whatever the reason, we were confident that #3 would be coming, hours after #2 arrived.

Fast forward a year and a half. Working full-time, doubling the size of our house and the number of children we have has exhausted me. I’ve been running on an average of 5 hours of sleep each night for 4 years. It’s taking its toll. I’m trying to keep up with two munchkins instead of one. My patience with Baby R is better in some ways, and worse in others: I don’t get upset with her over things that I was tough on S with, but I’m ready for her to be out of some of the toddler stages. Like being able to feed herself without leaving 80% of the food on her face, hands, hair and the floor.

And then there are the financial considerations. We were comfortable until the first of this year when we added a car payment, increased gas prices, and childcare to our essential expenses, totaling $1000 a month. We’re back to living paycheck to paycheck. My health insurance doesn’t cover much; it will cost about $3,500 to deliver Baby #3. And I don’t think my parents will be up to the task of watching him or her as we were blessed for them to be able to do with each of the girls that first year of life. I can’t even imagine how much that will cost.

The baby stage is incredible. They learn and mature exponentially, and watching their little personalities develop brings so much joy to me. But the thirst for knowledge, when cultivated properly, grows even more each year. I love seeing S learn and discover in preschool, and watching her become a little girl has been amazing. It’s as though each stage is more miraculous than the last. And more often than not, I am content and complete with our family as it is.

I feel we are done with infancy. But then… Baby R is 18 months – no longer a baby. A toddler. A little part of me feels the ache for another infant. To experience the miracle of growing another being inside me. To nurse, to rock, to carry, to love. A third child would most certainly be the last for us. Three C-sections is the limit for most doctors. And if we stick to the timeline we envision, I would be almost 38 when I deliver. Not that it isn’t possible to have children later than that, but I would prefer to be done with pregnancy by 40.

The girls are FINALLY sleeping better. It would only be two or three more years of sleep deprivation. I could suck it up. What’s two or three years in the grand scheme of life? And we could probably trim some spending if we really tightened our belts. Plus, if we hit the timing right, S will be in Kindergarten when Baby #3 arrives, evening out the childcare costs a bit. And it’s possible that the economy will continue to improve, and we will both get a raise this year.

DH is the Fourth. He REALLY wants a boy. There is a photo of him with his dad, grandfather and great-grandfather. Four men, proudly carrying on the family name. We were lucky enough to have his grandpa still with us when S was born. Thankful for the opportunity of another four-generation photo. His grandpa has since passed away, but it’s as though it makes him yearn even more for the legacy to continue.

Four Generations

Don’t get me wrong; DH adores our girls and wouldn’t trade them for the world, but he really wants to try one last time for a boy. But what if it’s another girl? That’s a LOT of estrogen in one house. Especially in about ten years when puberty hits. Can he handle that? Can I handle that?