Nope, not trying to work into the mommy bloggers niche but my role as a mother is on my mind quite often. Don’t worry, I’ll make it up to you tomorrow.
On my drive home the other evening I was rehearsing a conversation I intended on having with an old friend that I hadn’t spoken to in a while. She hadn’t heard from me the story of me nearly killing my baby’s fingers. No, no, it was a nearly but it was gruesome. So I relived the whole horrible thing in my head and decided that one, I couldn’t call her and two that this neurotic mental replay could be the start of a post.
For those who have been there and those thinking about and maybe even for those of you out there never planning on having children, here are the 13 fears, neuroses and or experiences that just might have you running for the hills
For the record, most of these went thru my head the moment I saw that I was having a girl, at week 20.
1. Oh shit, I’m having a girl. Just what I needed, another princess in my house. Yes, for real, that was my first thought. Sorry Hubs, you’re a princess and so is your damn cat.
2. Oh shit, a girl. Oh the poor darling, what have I done? *I didn’t have the best girlhood, from a girl perspective. no close girl friends, a late bloomer, painfully so.
3. Oh shit, a girl. Oh, God, please, don’t make her like me. Let her have healthy, safe relationships with boys/men that don’t leave her bitter or cynical or pregnant at way too young (it runs in our family, something to chat about later.)
4. Oh, thank you, those tiny legs on that sonogram screen are NOT mine. Way too long. Damn you girl, you’re already putting me to shame.
5. Did you hear gunshots? Is that a police siren? What am I thinking having a baby this close to THAT side of Oakland?
6. Is this car safe? Does it have enough safety features? Is it heavy enough not to hydroplane on the freeway? Does it have an alarm system (see #5).
7. OMG, is that another missing person report for a missing child? What if something happens to my baby?
8. Please let me die before my baby does. I couldn’t bear to live in this world without her.
9. Just turn off the TV. I can’t watch another news report about violence, poverty, natural disasters. What have I done bringing a child into this world? (This one was particularly poingnant as it struck me as I was breast feeding while watching the evening news when Madpie was only a few days old.) I turn my head away from the pictures even now.
10. Will she be smart? And what I mean by that, smarter than me? Will she have a better grasp of math and strategy than I did? Will she be able to earn a degree that will land her a job that makes her happy and independent?
11. Will she be kind?
12. Will she never forget that I love her?
13. Yes, and before you think I’m a total sap, my dear readers, I did think this one too (before I fell in love with her, that is) Will she leave so I can have a life again?
I said I wasn’t super mom.